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Alzheimer’s – Burglar in the Brain

Memory loss is the main symptom of early stage Alzheimer’s disease. Gradually, more symptoms appear in other areas, affecting various cognitive abilities. As caregivers, we can encourage our loved ones through different means, games and appropriate attitudes, enabling them to restore self-confidence, lessen the negative emotions brought by Alzheimer’s, maintain social abilities and enjoy quality of life.

First and foremost, we must consider our attitude: Be encouraging and not judgemental. Why are we often judgemental and not encouraging? (I’ve made this mistake before. I guess everyone makes the same mistake because we can’t accept the reality.) It’s different from dealing with kids. You know that kids don’t know how to do it; they’re inexperienced. So, when they do it right, it’s only natural that you commend them. When they make mistakes, you correct them and tolerate them. But with our loved ones with Alzheimer’s, you know they used to do it and they are experienced. But now, they can’t do it. So naturally, you criticize them, blame them and keep nagging them. In self-defence, they may become very emotional. Both sides develop negative emotions, which is not favourable for caring.

Because you often criticize, blame and nag them, your loved one may have two reactions: First, they act out against the caregiver in order to save face and protect their status. Second, they shut themselves off. Since whatever they say and do is wrong, they would rather not say or do anything. That way, they may feel less frustrated but become depressed. With these possibilities in mind, we need to consciously adjust ourselves.

Let’s look at it this way. Alzheimer’s can be compared to a burglar. Upon entering the house, he takes every good stuff he first sets his eyes on. This signifies that all the person’s skills including professional skills and recently acquired skills are now lost.

If that’s the case, it’s useless to ask the person to do what he used to be good at doing (my mistake again: I forced my mom to knit just as before. But she couldn’t even get started and became very frustrated!) It’s useless to ask questions like “Did you have breakfast?” “Where did you go shopping yesterday?” Instead, provide hints that may remind them of some details so they can have fun engaging in the conversation.

As mentioned above, Alzheimer’s is like a burglar who breaks into a house. Now he has gone up to the second floor. He knows he has to act quickly. So he searches everywhere and makes a terrible mess. This signifies that the person with Alzheimer’s has confused memories. It’s hard to clean up the mess and resume normal conditions. At best, obstacles may be cleared to avoid potential hazards.

At this point, I would strongly recommend you to participate in a caregivers’ support group. It provides interactions and exchanges that may give you new ideas and insights. Then, you don’t need to struggle alone, put the blame on yourself and indulge in self-pity. And you’ll prepare yourself with the right frame of mind to face what will happen next. Now, let’s move on to the third floor or a back room.

Oh! The good stuff here are securely stored and they have not been taken by the burglar. I would say this secret chamber is the early memories of the person with Alzheimer’s. They are usually selective good memories. The caregiver can get a lot of information in this secret chamber.

Thank God! He gave me creative inspirations so that I could tailor different activities and games for my mom. In fact, everyone has a kid inside. We all have some unfulfilled wishes in our childhood or adolescence. They could be certain sports, hobbies, games or habits. Tailor-made activities can conjure up warm memories deep inside. When you prepare the materials for these activities, you can give play to your creativity. It also provides a golden opportunity to explore in depth your loved one’s footprints of life in the early years. That can actually be very therapeutic to you.

Memory loss is the main symptom of Alzheimer’s disease and it leads to other problems. When the doctor conducts a test for your loved one, you may take note of where they miss a score – in memory questions or cognitive questions. This is of great significance to me. (For example, repeat 3 items: apple, train, newspaper. Answer: “The three items aren’t related at all!” I’ll give the person a score of 10!)

Very often, people labeled with Alzheimer’s have problems with their memory rather than cognitive abilities. Families usually react by blaming, criticizing and nagging them. Aren’t you aware that the person still has cognitive abilities, that they still have dignity and pride? When they can’t bear the frustration, their problems may worsen and they may act out against your blame and criticism. They may give vent to their negative emotions and the heat will turn up, resulting in both sides completely exhausted and at a loss.

We often tolerate our own forgetfulness. For example, we want to get something in the basement but forget about it when we are there. We make a shopping list before going to the supermarket. But we either forget to bring it along or forget to look at it and miss buying some items. When that happens, you’ll only blame yourself or be mad at yourself for a moment, then you forgive yourself. Why can’t you treat your loved one with Alzheimer’s the same way? Their condition is much worse than yours!

My suggestion: When something happens, don’t just look at the incident but also the causes. Why did that happen? What are the solutions? You need extraordinary observation and extraordinary ways of handling problems.

You need to learn about the symptoms, but you don’t necessarily have to match them with your loved one’s condition. There is no harm being “suspicious” and seeking verification. Perhaps your loved one can enjoy better quality of life because of your suspicion and verification.

The symptoms are cyclical. Make the best of the “good” days and stretch them out so that the “bad” days don’t even exist. Arrange daily schedules appropriately so that your loved one maintains a cheerful and stable mood until the day when they have lost all their physical functions and leave this world.

Lastly, let me tell you a story. Charles Kuen Kao, father of fibre optics, was awarded a Nobel Prize in Physics for his “groundbreaking achievements concerning the transmission of light in fibers for optical communication.” His inventions have completely changed our modes of communication such as cellular phones and the Internet. However, Kao has Alzheimer’s at the time of award presentation. Does it mean this Nobel Prize should be retrieved and not awarded to him? Of course not! The award recognizes his past efforts, achievements and influences to the world. The King of Sweden had an exceptional presentation for Kao. He walked to Kao’s seat and presented him the award so there was no need to go on stage and bow…

For our loved ones with Alzheimer’s, there are no better awards than our affirmation, love and care as well as tailored activities.

I wish you a life without blame or regret, one that cherishes the happy moments with loved ones, and one that always gives thanks.

Esther Ho, Caregiver

Alzheimer’s – Burglar in the Brain

Memory loss is the main symptom of early stage Alzheimer’s disease. Gradually, more symptoms appear in other areas, affecting various cognitive abilities. As caregivers, we can encourage our loved ones through different means, games and appropriate attitudes, enabling them to restore self-confidence, lessen the negative emotions brought by Alzheimer’s, maintain social abilities and enjoy quality of life.

First and foremost, we must consider our attitude: Be encouraging and not judgemental. Why are we often judgemental and not encouraging? (I’ve made this mistake before. I guess everyone makes the same mistake because we can’t accept the reality.) It’s different from dealing with kids. You know that kids don’t know how to do it; they’re inexperienced. So, when they do it right, it’s only natural that you commend them. When they make mistakes, you correct them and tolerate them. But with our loved ones with Alzheimer’s, you know they used to do it and they are experienced. But now, they can’t do it. So naturally, you criticize them, blame them and keep nagging them. In self-defence, they may become very emotional. Both sides develop negative emotions, which is not favourable for caring.

Because you often criticize, blame and nag them, your loved one may have two reactions: First, they act out against the caregiver in order to save face and protect their status. Second, they shut themselves off. Since whatever they say and do is wrong, they would rather not say or do anything. That way, they may feel less frustrated but become depressed. With these possibilities in mind, we need to consciously adjust ourselves.

Let’s look at it this way. Alzheimer’s can be compared to a burglar. Upon entering the house, he takes every good stuff he first sets his eyes on. This signifies that all the person’s skills including professional skills and recently acquired skills are now lost.

If that’s the case, it’s useless to ask the person to do what he used to be good at doing (my mistake again: I forced my mom to knit just as before. But she couldn’t even get started and became very frustrated!) It’s useless to ask questions like “Did you have breakfast?” “Where did you go shopping yesterday?” Instead, provide hints that may remind them of some details so they can have fun engaging in the conversation.

As mentioned above, Alzheimer’s is like a burglar who breaks into a house. Now he has gone up to the second floor. He knows he has to act quickly. So he searches everywhere and makes a terrible mess. This signifies that the person with Alzheimer’s has confused memories. It’s hard to clean up the mess and resume normal conditions. At best, obstacles may be cleared to avoid potential hazards.

At this point, I would strongly recommend you to participate in a caregivers’ support group. It provides interactions and exchanges that may give you new ideas and insights. Then, you don’t need to struggle alone, put the blame on yourself and indulge in self-pity. And you’ll prepare yourself with the right frame of mind to face what will happen next. Now, let’s move on to the third floor or a back room.

Oh! The good stuff here are securely stored and they have not been taken by the burglar. I would say this secret chamber is the early memories of the person with Alzheimer’s. They are usually selective good memories. The caregiver can get a lot of information in this secret chamber.

Thank God! He gave me creative inspirations so that I could tailor different activities and games for my mom. In fact, everyone has a kid inside. We all have some unfulfilled wishes in our childhood or adolescence. They could be certain sports, hobbies, games or habits. Tailor-made activities can conjure up warm memories deep inside. When you prepare the materials for these activities, you can give play to your creativity. It also provides a golden opportunity to explore in depth your loved one’s footprints of life in the early years. That can actually be very therapeutic to you.

Memory loss is the main symptom of Alzheimer’s disease and it leads to other problems. When the doctor conducts a test for your loved one, you may take note of where they miss a score – in memory questions or cognitive questions. This is of great significance to me. (For example, repeat 3 items: apple, train, newspaper. Answer: “The three items aren’t related at all!” I’ll give the person a score of 10!)

Very often, people labeled with Alzheimer’s have problems with their memory rather than cognitive abilities. Families usually react by blaming, criticizing and nagging them. Aren’t you aware that the person still has cognitive abilities, that they still have dignity and pride? When they can’t bear the frustration, their problems may worsen and they may act out against your blame and criticism. They may give vent to their negative emotions and the heat will turn up, resulting in both sides completely exhausted and at a loss.

We often tolerate our own forgetfulness. For example, we want to get something in the basement but forget about it when we are there. We make a shopping list before going to the supermarket. But we either forget to bring it along or forget to look at it and miss buying some items. When that happens, you’ll only blame yourself or be mad at yourself for a moment, then you forgive yourself. Why can’t you treat your loved one with Alzheimer’s the same way? Their condition is much worse than yours!

My suggestion: When something happens, don’t just look at the incident but also the causes. Why did that happen? What are the solutions? You need extraordinary observation and extraordinary ways of handling problems.

You need to learn about the symptoms, but you don’t necessarily have to match them with your loved one’s condition. There is no harm being “suspicious” and seeking verification. Perhaps your loved one can enjoy better quality of life because of your suspicion and verification.

The symptoms are cyclical. Make the best of the “good” days and stretch them out so that the “bad” days don’t even exist. Arrange daily schedules appropriately so that your loved one maintains a cheerful and stable mood until the day when they have lost all their physical functions and leave this world.

Lastly, let me tell you a story. Charles Kuen Kao, father of fibre optics, was awarded a Nobel Prize in Physics for his “groundbreaking achievements concerning the transmission of light in fibers for optical communication.” His inventions have completely changed our modes of communication such as cellular phones and the Internet. However, Kao has Alzheimer’s at the time of award presentation. Does it mean this Nobel Prize should be retrieved and not awarded to him? Of course not! The award recognizes his past efforts, achievements and influences to the world. The King of Sweden had an exceptional presentation for Kao. He walked to Kao’s seat and presented him the award so there was no need to go on stage and bow…

For our loved ones with Alzheimer’s, there are no better awards than our affirmation, love and care as well as tailored activities.

I wish you a life without blame or regret, one that cherishes the happy moments with loved ones, and one that always gives thanks.

Esther Ho, Caregiver