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Trotting Down the Road of Alzheimer’s

“It’s coming! It’s coming!” That was what Dr. C, our family doctor, said to my mother on a routine visit to his clinic around 2003. Dr. C was referring to my father’s health condition and warning us my father might have Alzheimer’s disease.

Since 2000, we noticed father was easily agitated and would have temper tantrums for no reason. As this situation got worse, Dr. C started to prescribe an anti-depressant for him. Mother and I just thought father was becoming a “cranky old man” as he aged. While I had already heard of Alzheimer’s disease, I did not think much about it.

As the frequency of such event increased, Dr. C told us he suspected my father might have Alzheimer’s disease. He referred my father to a gerontologist/neurologist, Dr. K, for further evaluation.

My father was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2004.

My parents immigrated to Canada in the early 1990s. They were active seniors, often participating in community events, taking trips to explore their new “home country” as well as doing volunteer work. They enjoyed meeting up with friends over dim sum lunch as well as taking ESL classes along with their friends.  We are grateful that over these many years, friends have provided much support to our family. They would make special accommodation for my father, inviting my parents to trips and events despite my father’s “unruly” behaviour, help to keep an eye on him as well as look for him when he wandered away, not to mention providing useful suggestions and information that helped our family in dealing with the situation.

I have to admit that during the early years of my father being diagnosed, it was difficult for me to accept my father was “loosing his mind”. At work, I was surrounded by renowned scientists and physicians, and my own father was a “lunatic”? It was painful to accept the fact and I refused to mention my home situation at work. But over time, I started to open up to my colleagues and friends. It was then that I realized there are a lot of resources in the community unbeknownst to me. I was first introduced to The 36 Hour Day, an excellent book giving a glimpse into life caring for loved ones suffering from memory loss. I was also told of the Alzheimer Society of Toronto and Circle of Care, both of which I had attended meetings and learnt of the various resources available. These experiences expanded my horizon and helped me later to search for services and gadgets appropriate for the needs of my father. Unfortunately, much of these resources are in English—my mother could not benefit from the knowledge, nor could my father benefit from the service.

Meanwhile, my father continued to be under the excellent care of Dr. C and Dr. K. In 2008, while my father was still in “good health” except for his memory loss and being temperamental, Dr. K recommended us, in view of the long waiting list, to consider long-term care placement for my father. Mother and I were very unwilling to take this step—we believed the medications were good enough and we could take care of father at home. In retrospect, we truly did not know what would lie ahead in caring for my father. It wasn’t until end of 2010, and after two wandering episodes, that mother and I rethought Dr. K’s recommendation. With a heavy heart, I finally made the call to CCAC (Community Care Access Centre). We were told by CCAC that the wait would be at least four years for a bed in a Chinese long-term care (LTC) facility…We hoped the bed offer would never come! In fact, twice we were told my father was next on the list for a bed placement—we prayed the bed would be offered to somebody else…, and our prayers were answered. We were NOT ready to let go of father—we can take care of him OURSELVES!!!

While we were reluctant to part with father, mother and I welcomed the other suggestions CCAC gave us: (i) to enroll my father in an adult day program (ADP); (ii) home care service including bathing for father and reprieve time for mother. Both suggestions eventually proved to be very beneficial for my parents.

As time passed, it was obvious that while father’s mental and physical health conditions were deteriorating, both mother and I were exhausted in taking care of father. My father, by then, was incontinent, needed help with most activities (except for eating—he still loved eating and had good manual dexterity in holding chopsticks), with an unsteady gait and at risk of falling. Thanks to friends, they would visit my parents and even invite them to lunch (and helped with watching over father). Another friend provided valuable information on care products etc. Meanwhile, mother and I were constantly tired, aching all over our bodies, and mother could not sleep through the night. It was then that we knew we could not take care of all my father’s needs by ourselves. We did not know when the LTC bed offer will come but, we need to stay healthy and “happy” ourselves so to provide a comfortable environment for my father to live in. He could definitely sense we were tired and unhappy. So we took on a friend’s suggestion to hire part-time help with domestic chores so mother could just focus on watching over father. This arrangement worked well. Not only did it give mother some help, but she also had a “normal” companion to talk to!

Time flies. In 2018, the LTC bed offer finally arrived. By then, we were ready for father to be cared for by professionals. Just like decades ago when they sent me to schooling abroad, time to Let Go!

Alexandra Ho, Caregiver

Trotting Down the Road of Alzheimer’s

“It’s coming! It’s coming!” That was what Dr. C, our family doctor, said to my mother on a routine visit to his clinic around 2003. Dr. C was referring to my father’s health condition and warning us my father might have Alzheimer’s disease.

Since 2000, we noticed father was easily agitated and would have temper tantrums for no reason. As this situation got worse, Dr. C started to prescribe an anti-depressant for him. Mother and I just thought father was becoming a “cranky old man” as he aged. While I had already heard of Alzheimer’s disease, I did not think much about it.

As the frequency of such event increased, Dr. C told us he suspected my father might have Alzheimer’s disease. He referred my father to a gerontologist/neurologist, Dr. K, for further evaluation.

My father was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2004.

My parents immigrated to Canada in the early 1990s. They were active seniors, often participating in community events, taking trips to explore their new “home country” as well as doing volunteer work. They enjoyed meeting up with friends over dim sum lunch as well as taking ESL classes along with their friends.  We are grateful that over these many years, friends have provided much support to our family. They would make special accommodation for my father, inviting my parents to trips and events despite my father’s “unruly” behaviour, help to keep an eye on him as well as look for him when he wandered away, not to mention providing useful suggestions and information that helped our family in dealing with the situation.

I have to admit that during the early years of my father being diagnosed, it was difficult for me to accept my father was “loosing his mind”. At work, I was surrounded by renowned scientists and physicians, and my own father was a “lunatic”? It was painful to accept the fact and I refused to mention my home situation at work. But over time, I started to open up to my colleagues and friends. It was then that I realized there are a lot of resources in the community unbeknownst to me. I was first introduced to The 36 Hour Day, an excellent book giving a glimpse into life caring for loved ones suffering from memory loss. I was also told of the Alzheimer Society of Toronto and Circle of Care, both of which I had attended meetings and learnt of the various resources available. These experiences expanded my horizon and helped me later to search for services and gadgets appropriate for the needs of my father. Unfortunately, much of these resources are in English—my mother could not benefit from the knowledge, nor could my father benefit from the service.

Meanwhile, my father continued to be under the excellent care of Dr. C and Dr. K. In 2008, while my father was still in “good health” except for his memory loss and being temperamental, Dr. K recommended us, in view of the long waiting list, to consider long-term care placement for my father. Mother and I were very unwilling to take this step—we believed the medications were good enough and we could take care of father at home. In retrospect, we truly did not know what would lie ahead in caring for my father. It wasn’t until end of 2010, and after two wandering episodes, that mother and I rethought Dr. K’s recommendation. With a heavy heart, I finally made the call to CCAC (Community Care Access Centre). We were told by CCAC that the wait would be at least four years for a bed in a Chinese long-term care (LTC) facility…We hoped the bed offer would never come! In fact, twice we were told my father was next on the list for a bed placement—we prayed the bed would be offered to somebody else…, and our prayers were answered. We were NOT ready to let go of father—we can take care of him OURSELVES!!!

While we were reluctant to part with father, mother and I welcomed the other suggestions CCAC gave us: (i) to enroll my father in an adult day program (ADP); (ii) home care service including bathing for father and reprieve time for mother. Both suggestions eventually proved to be very beneficial for my parents.

As time passed, it was obvious that while father’s mental and physical health conditions were deteriorating, both mother and I were exhausted in taking care of father. My father, by then, was incontinent, needed help with most activities (except for eating—he still loved eating and had good manual dexterity in holding chopsticks), with an unsteady gait and at risk of falling. Thanks to friends, they would visit my parents and even invite them to lunch (and helped with watching over father). Another friend provided valuable information on care products etc. Meanwhile, mother and I were constantly tired, aching all over our bodies, and mother could not sleep through the night. It was then that we knew we could not take care of all my father’s needs by ourselves. We did not know when the LTC bed offer will come but, we need to stay healthy and “happy” ourselves so to provide a comfortable environment for my father to live in. He could definitely sense we were tired and unhappy. So we took on a friend’s suggestion to hire part-time help with domestic chores so mother could just focus on watching over father. This arrangement worked well. Not only did it give mother some help, but she also had a “normal” companion to talk to!

Time flies. In 2018, the LTC bed offer finally arrived. By then, we were ready for father to be cared for by professionals. Just like decades ago when they sent me to schooling abroad, time to Let Go!

Alexandra Ho, Caregiver