Home > Sharing the Journey > Walking Happily Side by Side

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at the age of 92, the year she immigrated to Toronto. According to a research report in The New England Journal of Medicine several years ago, during the 25 years before the first symptom appears, there have been changes in the brain and spinal fluid of people living with Alzheimer’s. It is possible that the disease has existed in our family without any sign for those 25 years.

If that’s the case, why don’t we treat people with Alzheimer’s as normal people? A person who wears glasses won’t find it strange when others wear glasses too!

Being passive and frustrated vs being proactive and optimistic

What we must overcome first and foremost is the shameful feeling of having someone with Alzheimer’s in the family. Instead, we should stand by the person, put ourselves in their shoes and fight this disease together.

Don’t challenge them if they remember something or someone. If you continue to ask them, they may feel offended and you may find yourselves engaging in unnecessary arguments.

Many caregivers feel frustrated because their loved ones have forgotten their names, their look and their relationship with them. You don’t need to feel that way. They are sick and it’s only normal that they forget you. But what’s important is that you remember them and walk by their side. You’re helping them. You’re going to paint a more beautiful picture in your lives together.

Shortly after my mom arrived, I took her to the nearby community centre, hoping to find a program she might be interested in. But my efforts were in vain. Then I asked a friend to do floral arrangements with her. It used to be my mom’s favourite hobby, but now she is no longer interested in it and it made me very sad.

I asked myself, “You now have two options: Sit there and grieve for the many skills my mom used to have but now have lost, feeling angry and helpless; or provide her with stimulations—keep her brain busy with physical, mental and social activities as well as amazing experiences, so that she maintains quality of life and enjoys the rest of her days.” Thank God, I chose the latter.

Enjoying food

People living with Alzheimer’s may forget how to swallow solid food, yet they still enjoy the flavour and taste of food. Others may find it disgusting when they spit out the food after chewing, and don’t want to share a table with them. That’s not good because they can also enjoy the time with everyone chatting and laughing together.

I thought of a way. I put half a paper plate on top of another one, fold it in the centre and fold the two sides so that it looks like a laughing mouth. I call it a “smiley plate” and put it in front of my mom. After chewing she can spit into the plate, and no one can see what’s inside. When the plate is full, I throw it into the green bin and give her a new one.

If our loved ones spit out the food, won’t they have any nutrition? At this point, we can puree some meat and vegetables with congee or porridge, and this will provide nutrition. If you can find a chargeable blender, you can even take your loved one out and prepare the puree for them. Isn’t this wonderful?

Creative activities

Every day after supper, we encourage mom to walk around the house. We chat while we walk, and we remind her of the names of family members and our relationships. We look at photos and ask her about the people and what happened. We also recite Bible verses and sing short hymns. In the final round, we arrange the schedule for the next day and help her remember what she needs to do, such as attending day program, exercise etc.

I design both movement and sit-down activities for my mom. If she is energetic, we do movement activities like playing table tennis on the dining table. Another example is throwing a ball. When she throws the ball, she needs to tell the name of the other player or her relationship with that person. Our sit-down activities include playing the piano or xylophone, magic etc. In addition, I paste photos on cards for a matching game. We talk about the time and situation when the photos were taken. Photos can also be used for jig-saw puzzles, and we chat while we play. Mom also likes Jenga and finds it very exciting. We sing hymns and read the Bible.  I have introduced her to sudoku. I also encourage her to practise calligraphy, using a wet brush and a reusable writing mat. I make a record of her recent activities and revise them with her. “Oh!” She recalls, “I did this and that.” This is an excellent way to help her memory.

Sometimes, mom is not that focused and it seems she can’t hear me. I learnt about the pocket talker from the geriatrician. After putting it on, mom can hear clearly and is all smiles!

All these are activities specially designed for Alzheimer’s disease, but your company is the key. You can design activities that suit your loved one. In this process, your creativity is boosted and your brain becomes active. So, you won’t get Alzheimer’s easily! Last but not least, I want to stress that you can create a cheerful atmosphere by helping and caring for each other in the family. This will bring immense benefits to the physical, mental and spiritual well-being of everyone. All the best!

Esther Ho, Caregiver

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease at the age of 92, the year she immigrated to Toronto. According to a research report in The New England Journal of Medicine several years ago, during the 25 years before the first symptom appears, there have been changes in the brain and spinal fluid of people living with Alzheimer’s. It is possible that the disease has existed in our family without any sign for those 25 years.

If that’s the case, why don’t we treat people with Alzheimer’s as normal people? A person who wears glasses won’t find it strange when others wear glasses too!

Being passive and frustrated vs being proactive and optimistic

What we must overcome first and foremost is the shameful feeling of having someone with Alzheimer’s in the family. Instead, we should stand by the person, put ourselves in their shoes and fight this disease together.

Don’t challenge them if they remember something or someone. If you continue to ask them, they may feel offended and you may find yourselves engaging in unnecessary arguments.

Many caregivers feel frustrated because their loved ones have forgotten their names, their look and their relationship with them. You don’t need to feel that way. They are sick and it’s only normal that they forget you. But what’s important is that you remember them and walk by their side. You’re helping them. You’re going to paint a more beautiful picture in your lives together.

Shortly after my mom arrived, I took her to the nearby community centre, hoping to find a program she might be interested in. But my efforts were in vain. Then I asked a friend to do floral arrangements with her. It used to be my mom’s favourite hobby, but now she is no longer interested in it and it made me very sad.

I asked myself, “You now have two options: Sit there and grieve for the many skills my mom used to have but now have lost, feeling angry and helpless; or provide her with stimulations—keep her brain busy with physical, mental and social activities as well as amazing experiences, so that she maintains quality of life and enjoys the rest of her days.” Thank God, I chose the latter.

Enjoying food

People living with Alzheimer’s may forget how to swallow solid food, yet they still enjoy the flavour and taste of food. Others may find it disgusting when they spit out the food after chewing, and don’t want to share a table with them. That’s not good because they can also enjoy the time with everyone chatting and laughing together.

I thought of a way. I put half a paper plate on top of another one, fold it in the centre and fold the two sides so that it looks like a laughing mouth. I call it a “smiley plate” and put it in front of my mom. After chewing she can spit into the plate, and no one can see what’s inside. When the plate is full, I throw it into the green bin and give her a new one.

If our loved ones spit out the food, won’t they have any nutrition? At this point, we can puree some meat and vegetables with congee or porridge, and this will provide nutrition. If you can find a chargeable blender, you can even take your loved one out and prepare the puree for them. Isn’t this wonderful?

Creative activities

Every day after supper, we encourage mom to walk around the house. We chat while we walk, and we remind her of the names of family members and our relationships. We look at photos and ask her about the people and what happened. We also recite Bible verses and sing short hymns. In the final round, we arrange the schedule for the next day and help her remember what she needs to do, such as attending day program, exercise etc.

I design both movement and sit-down activities for my mom. If she is energetic, we do movement activities like playing table tennis on the dinner table. Another example is throwing a ball. When she throws the ball, she needs to tell the name of the other player or her relationship with that person. Our sit-down activities include playing the piano or xylophone, magic etc. In addition, I paste photos on cards for a matching game. We talk about the time and situation when the photos were taken. Photos can also be used for jig-saw puzzles, and we chat while we play. Mom also likes Jenga and finds it very exciting. We sing hymns and read the Bible.  I have introduced her to sudoku. I also encourage her to practise calligraphy, using a wet brush and a reusable writing mat. I make a record of her recent activities and revise them with her. “Oh!” She recalls, “I did this and that.” This is an excellent way to help her memory.

Sometimes, mom is not that focused and it seems she can’t hear me. I learnt about the pocket talker from the geriatrician. After putting it on, mom can hear clearly and is all smiles!

All these are activities specially designed for Alzheimer’s disease, but your company is the key. You can design activities that suit your loved one. In this process, your creativity is boosted and your brain becomes active. So, you won’t get Alzheimer’s easily! Last but not least, I want to stress that you can create a cheerful atmosphere by helping and caring for each other in the family. This will bring immense benefits to the physical, mental and spiritual well-being of everyone. All the best!

Esther Ho, Caregiver